he has a vicious tongue and is always in foul mood. he can’t stand to see you sit quiet or laugh or bond with anyone else. he hates everyone and everything…he says so daily. he hates his life and you for being in it.
you speak , he screams, mocks, derides, and ridicules. you go silent.
you try, he laughs and asks you why, what’s the use, you’re too stupid to succeed anyway.
you do, he undoes… everything he possibly can.
you give up, he’s satisfied, but not for long, because then you don’t move fast enough for his pleasure.
he has many designs and plans, but it’s your job to execute what he says he wants. it becomes an unfruitful effort, you will never do or get it right, not without him loudly reminding you of your ineptness regarding any and every thing.
you had dreams once didn’t you? didn’t you? it’s hard for you to remember. you’ve spent so much of your time bearing the burdens of his dreams. oh his dreams. he repeats them all of your waking moments. he awakens you in the middle of the night with the retelling of his dreams, as well as his faded past glories. he savours the memories of how he’s humiliated some poor soul in a time long ago. he can trump anyone or anything, and you had better well know it. of course you do, cause he’s already trumped you, hasn’t he?
he’s trumped you. you’re his work in progress. he has to change you, after all you simply weren’t/aren’t good enough. oh sure, you had some raw potential when he first met you. ‘very raw’ he reminds you often enough. but now, he can hardly stand to look at you. you flat out disgust him he spits out. he often quieries loudly ” how did he get stuck with you in the first place?”, shaking his head as he looks at you and just throws up his hands in frustration. you lower your head in shame, and wonder why life was even wasted on the likes of you.
you try to fight back the tears of worthlessness, that defy your will, and boldly push through your tightly closed eyelids. a flash of anger alights, for your appearent inability to control anything in your life. you can’t even stop your tears from streaking down your cheek, and spoiling the makeup you pasted on, to cover up his last assault. he smirks, satisfied, and walks away once again victorious.
you cry yourself to sleep again. a peaceless sleep. he roughly awakens you to get up and fix him something to eat. NOW! it’s past midnight you realize. so what? he’s hungry, it’s your fault he didn’t eat on time anyway. if you hadn’t pissed him off with your disrespect, the nerve of you to ask to go to lunch with your church sister. church sister his butt. no doubt she’s some busy body meddling single whore who can’t get or keep a man of her own, trying to wreck the sanctity of HIS marriage. but you are clearly too stupid to see it.
you get up sore and tired, head to the kitchen and get to work on his meal. are you crazy? he ain’t eating that dried up leftover crap you tried to serve him earlier. he’s gonna sit down and watch you step by step make him some fresh food. he doesn’t know what you put in that food earlier, but he damn sure ain’t eating it. you can just throw that mess away. you are so pitiful and inconsiderate for wasting his resourses and throwing away good food he paid for.
your cup of camomile tea relaxes you into a more restful slumber now,even though it’s 3:30 am and you’ll need to be up by six to get the kids off to school on time. your sleep is sweet. he fell asleep on a full stomach, and is snoring loudly. the sound is soothing to you, because you know he won’t be up for quite awhile. you relax. you sleep, you dream, you hope. you plan. you learn to cherish the sleeping giant.
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